A Saturday Night...

Under normal circumcetances, this is an ordinary W/e night for me...
First ,Dinner with them....My Friends...
Then My city...

One of the cloosest Jazz clubs in the world...

And listening once again Ilhan Ersahin...
What possibly could have i asked for more...

Despite to all those thoughts, unclear things, question marks, doubts ...you name it....

I was feeling alone....

I was not complete...

Something..Someone...was missing...I was asking for You...How do you call that ?

Love of the Pagans...

First, prepare the room where you and your partner will be. Light candles and incense to cleanse the air, soft music to ease the spirit, and flower petals covering the bed or the area you wish to come together, to bring that feel of nature as well as yourselves back to the simple elements of life and love. This will be your sacred space.

Begin by showering together, washing one another to cleanse away the elements of lovers past, so that all is fresh and new. Next, hold one another and focus on the person, allowing your energy, the essence of you to go into them and they into you, so they will feel you totally. As you make love you will have a truly mental, physical and spiritual experience with the person you want to share yourself with.

Source ; I think you very well know the source :)

Hate ??...Just Love...

These are just some photos from "their" attack to Gaza from yesterday...270 innocent dead..and counting..

They have played the role of innocent from the bery begining..They have been sheding fake tears..Tears of an alligator...They have been using everybody...They say from the very begining, all the big empires tried to genocide their race....

And we..we are so stupid to believe to their fake tears and we pitty on them...Let's say Hitler was crazy...But also the Egptians?the Visigoths ?Romans ?

Then we should ask ourselves, why people do hate them ? We should look from both aspects..to everything..I am not gonna tell you, go and examine them..Just read their Torah, sections of Yeremya and Isiah...Then you gonna see, who hates who...There you gonna find out who is the real "Nazi"s ? And their cruel plan to conquer the world...And this is written in their Holly Book...Which should be about peace,love and faith...Just read those sections...Its gonna be enough...

A quick remark about myself ; i used to blame a lot...All of these..Why it was happening ? What s the fault of those babies..What have they done wrong ? And millions of other questions...I will never find the answer...I stopped asking those questions...Maybe it s just, i am full of Love in these days..and which comes to the quote of my life ;

“We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic cords of memory will swell when again touched as surely they will be by the better angels of our nature.”

Hate is baggage. Life's too short to be pissed off all the time. It's just not worth it.

It's not fair...

It feels like the betreayel of the innocent expectations to my heart...
I hoped...

I wished...

I expected....

I dreamed....

I said ; Maybe....

But now...Back to realty...

Nobody is innocent...and i realized that it's too late for me to have expectation(s) for the list of the " first in my life time " things...

I have waited...i have saved everything...everything..All those years...

To say the magic word, to open my heart, to share my songs , to introduce to my family, to go around the world, to make love in various positions, to hear special things...to be committed..to feel like she does everything for me..just , only and for the first time for me...

I have waited....To share the same feelings..the same things...the same " first " things....

And ....

I've realized that i've lost my virginity for a non virgin

Does that make me love her less...No...

Does that make her less special...No...

It's just...My wise friend once told me this ; Never ever have great expectations...Choose life...Do not choose people...

I disagreed...I wanted to wait till i find "the one"...i have saved all my virtues that all the women wanted to taste, to experience...i've hidden my world from all the females in my life such that there started to occur a line outside...

I didn't choose life..I'd chosen to wait for "her"...To feel real special...

I'd found her...But...

I feel...

Cold...

Alone..

Outside...

A Great Movie...Not a cliche Love story...

11 Reasons why she may be THE ONE ...Is she ??

1. You care for her

(I clean the coffe on your shoes , i worry about the tires of your car more than mine , i pray for you and for your family , i wonder about your development at work and i collect feedbacks for you , i cook for you, if you are tired i give up my will and just sleep next to you, i drive you every where, i wonder when you don't get mhome,i made you stay in one of the best hotels and made u fly in business, i always make plans for you..in other words..i simply take care of you....)

2. She puts herself into your shoes.

She cares about you so much that, before taking an action, she thinks about you and how that decision will influence you and your relationship and eventually her. She makes you feel that she tries to understand you.As a boyfriend you feel a great respect from , which may lead both of you to a future marriage.

(...............???????????????????...............)

3. You find yourself unable to concentrate
Being productive at work has become increasingly difficult, listening attentively in class is a daunting task, and all you can think about is when you will see her next. As pathetic as it may be, you cannot wait to see her again, and you even consider calling her to let her know just that.
( You are always on mind - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M2pNF_IXfyI )

4. You ask yourself where she has been all your life
She wants to know all about you -- the good and the bad -- and is not turned off by the latter. You envision yourself married to her and wonder what your kids would look like. While this thought would have made you nauseous years ago, it now brings a smile to your face.
(from 3 km to 300 km..now, from 300 km to god knows how many km's....i am just asking to myself...why? even those 9 months...would have make so difference....)

5. Chemical balance
You have so much chemistry oozing between the two of you that you have no choice but to give into temptation. She is on your mind at all times, and every time you go shopping alone, you end up buying her something. You can stare at one another and not say anything for hours; you have achieved "the comfortable silence".
(Every decision i make...i think of you...i think of us...i think of how it will effect us....and i think from your point of view...all the time)

6. You get mad when others debase her
Whether it's your friends, family or some stranger, you get irritated when people say mean things about your woman. You contemplate smashing their skulls, but opt to make them eat their words instead.
( You have no idea about that....i am not gonna give you the details, but....In a man's world, it happens...Especially If one has an ass like yours and with a flirting "reputation".... not so good for me...people talk...especially men talk dirty...i wish you wouldn't have done all of that...we could have been so peaceful right now... )

7. You forget about your ex
You've been thinking about the ex-girlfriend for some time now, until you meet the goddess that is her. From the time you first laid eyes on her, you seem to have finally turned a new page. You still look at other women, but it's just "looking".
Yup, she may just be the one...
( what ex??i don't even look to other women...excluding Monica Bellucci)

8. You forget your friends
You always chose hanging out with the boys first and the girlfriend second, only now, playing pool and having some drinks with your buds isn't as interesting as it used to be. You prefer to see her and pass up the friends.

9. She has fun with your family
You cringe at the thought of her meeting grandpa Joe and hearing about his sordid tales... but when the big day comes, you realize that she actually finds his stories funny. She seems to care for your parents and likes your siblings. She loves your friends and family.
( well, at least you had the homour of being first...meeting them...and they liked you....a lot...they ask about you...a lot...)

10. She gets along with your friends
She meets your friends one by one, and you get the eerie impression that she likes them and could actually get along with them. Better yet, she understands and encourages you to spend time with them and have your own life.

11. You trust her.
You have had difficulty trusting women your whole life. Then one day, you realize that you can trust the woman standing beside you. For the first time in your life, you don't think twice about opening up about personal matters or letting her take care of important objects; you know that you can turn your back to her and not worry. You even want to introduce her to your friends and family.
(............................??????????.............)

Once upon a time....

Istanbul Today....

Istanbul is tired today...

She's sad and old...a little bit fatter also...

and cried again....shed tears to the sea...

But still...it's so beautiful...every season in Istanbul...

Especially if the rain stops before the evening ,then the maiden tower and the islands seem so unique...

I remember fishing in Istanbul..little kisses of my grandma..playing soccer on the street with my friends...i remember my favorite umbrella chocolate...my favorite street...where i was born...My first doctor...my first teacher...i remember me...my dad...i remembe rmy dad..how strong he was...my mum was so young...my brother was so lovable...

You don't know me...You don't know my past...what i did...Believe me...First time i feel i belong to someone...believe me ; i am not someone that i look like...especially in bed..your favorite question ; you'd be surprised if you'd know the answer...and sometimes, i do joke with you..just to see your reaction...i am not like others...even the..forget it..ain't matter to share with you...All you need to know is ;

It's not always easy to kiss someone...

It's not easy to make love without loving....without feeling...

It's not easy to get to know a body...Then getting used to it..and then losing it...

Maybe now you'll understand why i still couldn't get over with some things....

I am like Istanbul...

Tired...

Cried enough...

Old...

Jealous...Unique...betrayed...Lovable...Not Asking for Love...but respect...

Going with the flow...

but with you...

Maybe not this time my old friend...

mmm...

I'd missed him...His songs have always reflected a part of me, or a period of me...more, the mood of me

His latest album ; Self-Potrait ; just listened a couple of songs...

And he is happy...

is this a sign..

or..another sign ?

The way of the Warrior

When you were born, you were born with wisdom...with Love...And with a great knowledge..

To become a better person , All you need is to have ; Loyalty and Honor until death...

Then, you can be peaceful....

Source ; The Way of living Bushido

Storm Clouds Gathering

I had to do it…I had to find the answer…I have found it..You are not gonna like it…But I am gonna be honest with you…As always I have ever been…
I went to listen to myself today....
i listened to the waves...
i listened to the birds...
i listened the freezing sensation of the silent, but cold air...
i listened the movement of the clouds, that were dancing in the sky
i listened to my favorite songs....
Then i started not to listen...
At that point...my inner philosophy
it started to whisper to me ;
Caring, it's free you know
No matter which way the winds blow ,it stays ,and doesn't go.
Though our own heartbreaks, we recount our own mistakes
We learn more about what love takes in every passing day
But we need honesty and respect too...
True Love is nothing if not shared ,my dear Alinka
just dreams of love can't be compared
because the gift of love is in the giving, sharing,talking, caring,putting yourself into your partners shoes..
and without love there is no living in this life..This you know better than me, as a witch coming from Love..
Yes, it s not just you are becoming a better person. I’ve become a better man too,
more able to see clearly to give love and to understand
but if truth be told I feel so alone in this relationship...
Inside, deep down there, there is more...
I'm sure, I feel it , still coursing in my veins
as raindrops fell into my forehead today in the beach,
and reminded me that sadness of all times with you...
Mine is not a selfish heart but a fragile one...i had my reasons to protect it...i thought you were different, special..that you would be honest..that you wouldn't betray..that you wouldn't lie..that you wouldn't play games behind my back...I have trusted you...i made my deal with the devil , just by trusting you...I opened my heart..and gave my virginity..everything i'd offered to you...You just took it...and continued doing what you believed...without any respect...
You are still special to me...Why Why i ask to myself...Why you have opened doors not be closed ? Being sorry will never change things...Past is past..but once you drag it...it is inside me now...Today, i am sorry to tell to you, but i have noticed, those things will be there forever...
It's not easy...i have tried tried tried...but i am tired...and so far, you haven't sponspored me at all...
I had a fight..fighting to forget the things that you have dragged...But your lies, things you have hidden,you have said, how you hurt me...You were just not next to me when i was trying to fight...You didn't get this...and i gave up...and it's too late i think...
I've tried and it’s just no good...
The past that you have dragged to our present is just a source of sadness,
and even I wish to leave it somehow if I could...
but my feet are bound in lead ,and my heart locked in a box carved out of wood
Easy for you to say, focus on now, focus on us, which matters...
But it's not easy for me to experience and go all through this...Despite my great love to you, i will never be able to forgive you, of what you have put me through..
Then i wanna walk away..i start going... walking away one more step from you everything that you have done to me...

But something calls from far away and reminds me of a woman who's come my way...
who makes me smile a little and makes me want to stay and dream away on a cloudy day
I feel I'm falling and falling really hard
for the serenity of her care that comes and goes
and I wonder if its truly there
But at her picture I wonder and stare , she's wonderful, she's Perfect

She is YOU...
You make me dream
Though I said I'd never dream again everytime you betrayed on me...
I care about you w/o expecting anything in return which is a special gift to you from me
And if God chooses to smile upon humility
maybe somehow…
You'll be the one meant for me
My caring for you is without an expectation of something in return , as caring is meant to be
This feels real ,more than a simple crush...
because the feeling came so easy and naive...Even you stabbed the naiveness afterwards...
and it still feels so gentle and serene and unique ;

like nothing I've felt or seen but only dreamed of in a dream…

Is this it ?

Truth fears no questions.

Whenever you have truth it must be given with LOVE, or the message and the messenger will be rejected.

Mahatma Gandhi

When you don't tell people what you really think, you are not being kind. People cannot change and grow if all they get are insincere niceties.

Duane Alan Hahn

The moment we begin to fear the opinions of others and hesitate to tell the truth that is in us, and from motives of policy are silent when we should speak, the divine floods of light and life no longer flow into our souls.

Elizabeth Cady Stanton

Liar's motto: If at first you don't deceive, lie, lie again.
Duane Alan Hahn

Dare to be true: NOTHING can need a lie: A fault, which needs it most, grows
two thereby. George Herbert

It takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. ~
"Homer Simpson" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


In the one moment you chose to LIE us, you lost the greatest moments to come.
Burak Cetinoglu

This is what we gonna do next...Get Ready

As a diver you are weightless and can move in all directions. You approach the freedom of a bird as you move in three dimensions in a fluid environment.

I believe in you...

and i Belive that you have the skill to create that miracle for Rutkowski's this xmas...

For the sake of...You..Not someone else...

I know you are waiting for my other blogs…the ones that I wrote at the airport… or my 10 reason if she is the one..or something from last night...or myabe one of my visions...
But I think you need this one more, right now..The others may wait for another couple of hours…
It must so difficult for you…
And most probably it has been like this for a long time…
Coming home, with a great joy…excitment...which you were longing for that for a while..
Then just because of silly reasons…
Everything gets screwed up…

When it comes to love…You told me…I told you.. We told to each to other...
Love is important..It s that simple…But when it comes to relationships…
Love may not be enough sometimes...
You need more…but just a litle bit more...again simple things…understanding the one you love…does not need a great sacrifice...Isn't that complicated...thinking of your partner before taking every decision…
Putting yourself into your partners' shoes…Not so hard...Comes from heart...

This one is not about us...So far, you loved me..but in tough times, or in good times, or in normal times, you haven't seen the need or necassity to take of your shoes for a second and put on mine..Hope one day, before it's too late...Hope one day You'll respect me truely and do it...Now maybe you gonna see things more clear...

Maybe one day...
Sometimes I’ll do it…sometimes you’ll do it…
But has to be done in one way… or another...

Sometimes nobody does...There, the relationships stops...

I think it is the case of your parents... I know i am in no position to make any comment, for that forgive me if i cross the line...

You have just said to me; how I know what to say what to do about the Istanbul pictures, and all time i know things...
Do not underestimate yourself…
You also DO know what to do in a lot of circumstances (excluding our relationship. but this article is not about us. That's why i am, i was, questioning the unacceptable acts or words of yours..such an intelligence...such a great love...How can she do it...How can she STILL do it...)

Anyway, Coming back to yours...
I believe that you have tried a lot of spells, a lot of thoughts for your parents… A lot of focus..A lot wishes...A lot of talking with the Full Moon...
If they did not work, then try more. Do more of your spells…
Did you ever try to speak with them ?
You gonna say to me that , i don’t know them..and it s impossible to speak with them..
Correct…I don't know them..
But..Also they are human..That i know...and deep down there…they love each other…They have just lost it…for some reasons..

It ain't matter at this point why or how or when they've lost it...

You have to hold their hands…God gave you 2 hands Alinka..
With your left hand, hold your mothers…
With your right…your fathers…
Then make them hold their hands…

You have to figure out the way… This i can not lead you...
Or you take them out for a dinner…and make them a childish play…rules driven by you…simple ;
During the dinner , they can only speak with you and with your brother but not among themselves..So, in this way they will be able to see their partner, from a third eye… they don t fight..they listen to you..they laugh..they listen to their thoughts, without interrupting eachother..

Or...
Send flowers to your mum…sign your dads name…and say to your father ; “ Dad, whatever happens today, if you love me a bit, say yes to everything that my mum will say to you and promise me this will be between you and me”..so , when your mum calls him, to thank to him…maybe one word of her…will make him smile…. and make him talk..instead of walking away in hard times...
Buy a tie to your dad and play the same game to your mum…

There are millions of things you can do…I know how hard it is..and it will be… really tough..you know it better than i do...You will face a lot of demotivationg scenes too…but do not give up…at least when you have your chance…
Do not look to the point as you are saving a finished marriage. or helping to your parents..
You are helping to yourself…

Once you told me ; You are LOVE…your religion is love…
It is YOUR HOME…

Be a man…and fight this thing that is sucking this LOVE of you…
Your HOME, should be your castle…your source..Not me..Not someone else..not Paris..not the project helper non whirlpool guy hitting on you, not your inner world, not Ally Mcbeal…Your source of LOVE must be your Home…Because you were born there...( well, your case may be different due to the fact that you may be an A.I but...assuming you were born...)
But not the memories in that home... Memories are good...Good to remember..But you can not live with them..It'll destroy you...

Make it…You'll do it…You are strong enough…You may be young..You may be talking about dicks in the breakfast,or you may have done silly things,or you may have hurt me a lot of times...But these does not change the fact that you are SMART enough..creative enough...strong enough..Happy enough...Full of LOVE..also for them...When you get demoralized or lose your motivation..I am right here…to back you up…

Do it…Once they have loved each other…If they are not giving to themselves a chance, do not be selfish as they are…You give that chance to them…You have to switch their shoes when they are sleeping...If they are not putting themselves into their shoes anymore...You do it...for the sake of your own happiness…

Greedy You Are....

but also so Lovable...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYA6e-_s8ac

I gave you all the love I got
I gave you more than I could give
I gave you love
I gave you all that I have inside
And you took my love
You took my love
Didn't I tell you
What I believe
Somebody say that
A love like that won't last
Didn't I give you
All that I've got to give baby
I gave you all the love I got
I gave you more than I could give
I gave you love
I gave you all that I have inside
And you took my love
You took my love
I keep crying
I keep trying for you
There's nothing like you and I baby
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary love
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary love
When you came my way
You brightened every day
With your sweet smile
Didn't I tell you
What I believe
Did somebody say that
A love like that won't last
Didn't I give you
All that I've got to give baby
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary love
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary love
I keep crying
I keep trying for you
There's nothing like you and I baby
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary love
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary love
Keep trying for you
Keep crying for you
Keep flying for you
Keep flying I'm falling
I'm falling
Keep trying for you
Keep crying for you
Keep flying for you
Keep flying and I'm falling
and I'm falling

Coming to my blog page..soon...

Till then...
Just know that ;
I've missed you

When a man loves a woman.....

A good summary of the situation that i am in..Well said..in this case ; well sang...

When a man loves a woman
Can't keep his mind on nothing else
He'll trade the world
For the good thing he's found
If she's bad he can't see it
She can do no wrong
Turn his back on his best friend
If he put her down
When a man loves a woman
Spend his very last dime
Tryin' to hold on to what he needs
He'd give up all his comfort
Sleep out in the rain
If she said that's the way it ought to be
Well, this man loves a woman
I gave you everything I had
Tryin' to hold on to your precious love
Baby, please don't treat me bad
When a man loves a woman
Down deep in his soul
She can bring him such misery
If she plays him for a fool
He's the last one to know
Lovin' eyes can't ever see
When a man loves a woman
He can do no wrong
He can never own some other girl
Yes when a man loves a woman
I know exactly how he feels'
Cause baby, baby, baby, you're my world
When a man loves a woman.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0u_OnVhh82E

To Find, or To Choose THE ONE ??

There is a difference between LOVING and being IN LOVE.

Being IN LOVE is a different KIND OF LOVE.

It is the KIND OF LOVE meant for THE ONE and ONLY.

That is God’s design.

That is why everyone desires THE ONE.

You can LOVE MANY but you can only be IN LOVE with ONE.

it's not that i'd choosen you...

Or you've choosen me...

It's just WE ARE THE CHOOSEN ONES...

******* ****

And I wonder if you know

How it really feels

To be left outside alone....

Living "US" is more than the "Being In the Moment"

And i admit...
Finally...
Yes..Also i evolve...with You...
Together....

I've already allowed myself to "be"..And you ???

Speaking about...Self Development, or in other words ; Self Knowledge...
I always tell you...You have to ask the right questions to yourself...Too many questions will lead to Confusion..and confusion to Doubts...And Doubts to.....i don't wanna even spell it...

The most important question for me, is when you ask to yourself before going to sleep, " the things that i am doing ; are making me happy ? "

There are some things about me ,that you are dying to know, what they are...i know..
One of them is ; the reason why i call you UNDONE ?

Because you still haven't responded to me the following questions ;
" What you are feeling ? "
" What you are thinking ? "

ohh, As you might know by now, When i mean A Respond, it's not a verbal thing...
The other questions have been responded..or let me say ; we are experiencing them now...
Just these 2 last ones...
Then we gonna be so Complete...

Togetherness...

Togetherness...It is such a word, that i hadn't experienced before...

Last night, while i was there...among all of my friends, my body was there..not my mind...

How i it possible that i can think of you during every conversation or while taking a sip from my drink or seeing others dancing or even when i was just sitting..

How is it possible that i long to hear from you and check my phone 127 times...

How is it possible that i think of you that much...

How ?

Thank Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu...mmmmmmmmmm

Into My Arms...

But I believe in Love

And I know that you do too

And I believe in some kind of path

That we can walk down, me and you

So keep your candles burning

And make her journey bright and pure

That she will keep returning

Always and evermore
Into my arms, O Lord, into my arms

Into my arms, O Lord, into my arms

Into my arms, O Lord, into my arms

Close your eyes...and get ready for the next massage

Next time....

The Orange will take you to another dimension...

and you have NO IDEA....

but you gonna love it

A Polish Girl in Paris

And YESSSS

I am soooo exiceted...

WE will be there...

No just you...

WE WILL LIVE it together...

WE will experience it togehter

I just can't wait for it...

You need TO KNOW....

My Dear,
My Sweetie,
There are a lot to tell you...
I know i have been speaking so much....But i have a lot to tell you...more..more...
I want you to know a lot of things...
I want you to know that it is OK to cry..
It is not right to keep yourself bottled up inside...
i wish you could know how truly i love you
it is indescribable, all the feelings of come to..
When you need a shoulder cookie, mine is free..
I will be your best friend, when you need...
You need to know that i ain't a hero
But for you, i can create everything from zero
i wish you could know my thoughts that run through my head
I wanted you to know that i am here for you always
i will not be the one to leave you on your bad days
You need to know that the future is inevitable
We can not run or hide ourselves from it.
And ALinka,
i want you to know that i want this to last
i want to endure w/o the fear of the past
I want you to know that i will dance with you...
Not till the end of love...
Till the very end...
ohhh and i will make you feel so....the ONE...
Sometimes i got confused
But this confusion clears when i am with you
i wish you could know how fast i did fall
My love for you ; grew fastest at all..