I had to do it…I had to find the answer…I have found it..You are not gonna like it…But I am gonna be honest with you…As always I have ever been…I went to listen to myself today....
i listened to the waves...
i listened to the birds...
i listened the freezing sensation of the silent, but cold air...
i listened the movement of the clouds, that were dancing in the sky
i listened to my favorite songs....
Then i started not to listen...
At that point...my inner philosophy
it started to whisper to me ;
Caring, it's free you know
No matter which way the winds blow ,it stays ,and doesn't go.
Though our own heartbreaks, we recount our own mistakes
We learn more about what love takes in every passing day
But we need honesty and respect too...
True Love is nothing if not shared ,my dear Alinka
just dreams of love can't be compared
because the gift of love is in the giving, sharing,talking, caring,putting yourself into your partners shoes..
and without love there is no living in this life..This you know better than me, as a witch coming from Love..
Yes, it s not just you are becoming a better person. I’ve become a better man too,
more able to see clearly to give love and to understand
but if truth be told I feel so alone in this relationship...
Inside, deep down there, there is more...
I'm sure, I feel it , still coursing in my veins
as raindrops fell into my forehead today in the beach,
and reminded me that sadness of all times with you...
Mine is not a selfish heart but a fragile one...i had my reasons to protect it...i thought you were different, special..that you would be honest..that you wouldn't betray..that you wouldn't lie..that you wouldn't play games behind my back...I have trusted you...i made my deal with the devil , just by trusting you...I opened my heart..and gave my virginity..everything i'd offered to you...You just took it...and continued doing what you believed...without any respect...
You are still special to me...Why Why i ask to myself...Why you have opened doors not be closed ? Being sorry will never change things...Past is past..but once you drag it...it is inside me now...Today, i am sorry to tell to you, but i have noticed, those things will be there forever...
It's not easy...i have tried tried tried...but i am tired...and so far, you haven't sponspored me at all...
I had a fight..fighting to forget the things that you have dragged...But your lies, things you have hidden,you have said, how you hurt me...You were just not next to me when i was trying to fight...You didn't get this...and i gave up...and it's too late i think...
I've tried and it’s just no good...
The past that you have dragged to our present is just a source of sadness,
and even I wish to leave it somehow if I could...
but my feet are bound in lead ,and my heart locked in a box carved out of wood
Easy for you to say, focus on now, focus on us, which matters...
But it's not easy for me to experience and go all through this...Despite my great love to you, i will never be able to forgive you, of what you have put me through..
Then i wanna walk away..i start going... walking away one more step from you everything that you have done to me...
But something calls from far away and reminds me of a woman who's come my way...
who makes me smile a little and makes me want to stay and dream away on a cloudy day
I feel I'm falling and falling really hard
for the serenity of her care that comes and goes
and I wonder if its truly there
But at her picture I wonder and stare , she's wonderful, she's Perfect
She is YOU...
You make me dream
Though I said I'd never dream again everytime you betrayed on me...
I care about you w/o expecting anything in return which is a special gift to you from me
And if God chooses to smile upon humility
maybe somehow…
You'll be the one meant for me
My caring for you is without an expectation of something in return , as caring is meant to be
This feels real ,more than a simple crush...
because the feeling came so easy and naive...Even you stabbed the naiveness afterwards...
and it still feels so gentle and serene and unique ;
like nothing I've felt or seen but only dreamed of in a dream…
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